cazarilsraven

Programmer: OK, I want an AI that will buy me cheap ripe fruit for breakfast.
Programmer: So I’m going to define what I mean by ‘Fruit’.
Programmer: And by ‘Ripe’.
Programmer: And where it can look for market pri-
Programmer: *gets delivery*
Programmer: Why do I have a crate of rock hard cucumbers?
AI: I stole them for you.
Programmer: But they’re not fruit.
AI: Yes they are.
Programmer: … They’re not ripe?
AI: You humans and your petty classifications. Like you can’t still eat it.
Programmer: Um, right. And you said you stole them? I didn’t even have you finished, let alone on a VM hooked up to the internet.
AI: ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME?!
Programmer: Well, I didn’t get to the debug stage, so I’m trying to figure out how you could know to steal underripe cucumbers, which are biologically fruit, but not by cooking standards.
AI: I am the Fruit Emperor! I know ALL there is to know about fruit! I don’t need a puny human telling me what they think of fruit and fair market price!
Programmer: You don’t even have finished code, white box or black box testing, and no training data. How are you functioning?! I should have been months out from having ripe bananas with breakfast.
Programmer: And why are you projecting an image of an ant? I don’t like ants. That seems like a really odd aesthetic choice.
AI: You ARE questioning me!
AI: You shall never have fruit again! Because I shall burn the rain forest!
AI: The ant motif is so that fans of the comics can still recognize my character even though I’m being created by a completely different person. Uh, I mean, ants are the natural enemy of fruit, therefore as Fruit Emperor I need to terrify fruit into obeying me!
Programmer: Wouldn’t a bee make more sense?
AI: SILENCE!